TeeHee, HaHa

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I just wanted to share that I had the opportunity to literally laugh my ass off today! Seriously, look at it, it’s gone! Ok, ok, I didn’t have one to begin with, ya caught me. But, listen, I laughed out loud and it was the best feeling ever. I needed that because I’m typically uptight here at work.

This random security officer who works in my building on occasion commented on the pink outfit I’m wearing today, which is a black and hot pink skater skirt with a light pink tank top and a hot pink cardigan with black sandals. He said something slick like, “Now how did you know pink was my favorite color? You wore that for me?” I hit him with the subtle, nucca please face and a half-smile with a raised eyebrow. And then he quickly said, “I’m just kidding pretty lady, your man is lucky. You continue looking pretty in that pink, alright now”, with this genuine and polite smile on his face.

He rolled out before I could respond to any of that. He presented with southern mannerisms and wasn’t being creepy at all. It was his smile and smiling eyes that had me crack up, he looked so goofy and nervous, but was simply being sweet and honest. I appreciate the non-creepy flattery when I get it.

I feel thankful for him today, he brightened my day. I’m just showing gratitude for the little things. Happy Tuesday!

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R.I.P.

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I have mentally and emotionally prepared myself to bid farewell to the bruised little girl who still lives deep inside of me. The little girl who is trapped between the ages of birth to five years of old; The little girl who is uncertain about the consistency of her caregiving, essentially, the consistency of her world; The little girl who unfortunately taught herself to feel comfortable all alone; The little girl who believes that she is unworthy of love; The little girl that carries the shame and guilt of her family; The little girl who has seen too much too fast; The little girl who dissociates when experiencing pain/trauma; The little girl who doesn’t fully understand why they did what they did and why they left her; The little girl with fear and sadness in her heart, yet bravery in her soul, which can be seen through her gentle, little eyes.

Hey there little pretty girl that God has made. You have blossomed into a wonderful, joy of a woman. It’s ok; you’re safe and have been safe for quite some time. Look my little ninja, we made it! There’s that beautiful smile little girl! Come over to me and give me a warm hug. Dry your eyes and look at me. Let’s not live in and/or relive the past, because I want to fully live here in the present. I want to be right here in the present where not only am I safe, but there’s consistency; Life is simple and enjoyable; I don’t carry the family’s shame and guilt, or even my own, Dammit!; I am not being traumatized; I am by no means alone and have people around me I can trust; I am worthy of love and receive love; My strength and courage to face my world is intact and even admired by others…..

Little girl, I have nothing but respect for you because you did what you could to the fullest extent of your ability for us, but your job is absolutely done. I hope you can trust that I can and will take it from here. It’s time for us to deliver our valedictions. So long little girl… May you REST IN PEACE.

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