Heeeeey! Are You A Knight Or Something?

I’m laying in my warm comfy bed, after a rather long day, alone, unfortunately or fortunately depending…and I started to really give thought to something interesting that happened today. This occurred this morning, but it didn’t really resonate with me until a few moments ago. Lol, so of course I immediately figured I should blog about it. (Out of respect I had to get permission first) So, this cool guy, we can call him a friend, he’s sort of been around in my life for a few years, reached out to me, “as a friend”. At first he sent me a YouTube video of a new song titled, One In A Million. (Anyone who knows me, knows how much I like to jam!) Lol! But this was followed by some pretty deep thoughts, via text, about how much I meant to him and how he’s wondered if he would ever have a chance to have a “closer relationship” with me. He presented sincerely; he wasnt referring to just sex,  but definitely something more.

Moving on, he says he has “always respected our friendship boundary”, but has always been “very attracted” to me. He goes on to say that he “always knew” my last relationship wouldn’t last because, “based on how you would talk about you and whatever his name is, I could tell that though you may have loved him, he didn’t really love you and that you deserved better, not to say that I’m better or what not, but, I just wanted to let you know that I paid attention hun. I just didn’t want to say it because I didn’t want to damage our friendship.” Ok, I didnt see that coming.

I want to mention that all of his texts included lots of much appreciated flattery, which very was nice. Then, near the end of the conversation he said, “I hope you aren’t upset. I know you cared for that dude, but I DO love you and would treat you a million times better than him.” My responses in between his texts were minimal. I said things like, “uh huh”, “hmmm”, “ok”, “I see”, “um, thank you”…. I’m sure he knows I wasn’t trying to be rude or dismissive. I was just trying to take it all in, in the midst of a busy day at work. It was thoughtful and can be taken as sweet, right? But I wasn’t exactly sure of how to feel at the time I was receiving the messages and now I just feel, I don’t know, I think I need to sleep on it. Before writing this post, I was honest with him and told him I didn’t really have a direct response right now, but wanted to blog about it, if he didn’t mind. I appreciate that he gave me the go, as he knows I would absolutely be respectful of his feelings and identity. (Insert Law & Order chime lol)

I’m curious to any feedback anyone would have??? Have you ever experienced a situation such as this? I guess, I just find it enlightening when learning of another’s perspective. The differences between how others view you and/or your situation vs. how you view yourself, in my opinion, is always something to take a look at as a part of one’s personal growth. Hmmm, another thing I’m thinking as I continue to write is that it took some huevos aka balls to be honest about his feelings, which is something we all have an internal battle about when deciding to truly express ourselves to others. As a matter of fact I can totally understand how he may be feeling right now. If you take a look at my previous blog post titled, Can We Talk?, you would get my point here. Only when you find someone worth it would you go to great lengths for them, I guess like how he is right now. Hmmmmm…..

Special thanks to my friend for #1, feeling comfortable being honest with me and #2 supporting me in being able to share this with readers. 🙂 No, I’m not upset, actually; everyone is entitled to their opinions. I’m willing to hear him out, maybe after I fully process this.

So, readers any thoughts? Don’t be shy now. Is he a knight in shining armor? Or is this in poor taste? One more thing I’ll add is that he said “regardless of what anybody thinks they have to say on this”, he doesn’t take back anything he said today, because “at the end of the day, I’m your friend”. But, I’d be lying if I said things didn’t get just a tad bit awkward for me here. We cool, but just being transparent here.

I mean friends should be able to be honest with each other, right???

Oh, here’s the song, enjoy!  I was grooving tho!

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Can We Talk?

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A friend on Instagram, @nashalacole, posted the pic above on her page and it stuck with me. The blatant lack of communication has been swirling all around me these past few weeks; I’ve experienced it in my personal life, and witnessed it in friend’s lives, and in the lives of a few of my clients. You know what, I also heard this topic come up on The Kane Show, Hot 99.5, DC’s #1 Hit Music Station one morning when a lady provided a heated commentary about adults who play mind games in relationships. All of this triggered me to blog about the subject matter.

I started with a repost of the picture above on my IG and requested feedback from followers. My caption to the above picture was as follows: “Lol, like I get kids not being able to communicate themselves, but grown ppls??? I can’t dig it, I can’t dig it at all. It’s like you get judged by simply sharing your feelings. Why do grown people play mind games? Do we ever get too old for it? If so, I know I am patiently awaiting the day.” The feedback was wonderful and I will share some of what was said in just a bit.

My personal thoughts are that you shouldn’t be afraid to speak up about how you feel. As a child I was always taught to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself, which as an adult person I am aware of the fallacy of such teachings. In my opinion, why wouldn’t you simply be clear with someone? Why pretend you don’t care, when you do care? Why pretend you are not interested, when you are interested? If you want to reach out and talk, why wouldn’t you? Why put a timeframe down when you want it now? Why tip toe in your Jordans around the pink elephant in the room, when you and everyone else clearly sees the damn thing?  Most of the time it’s because you are taking the faulty advice of your useless friends, or you have made some assumptions based on preconceived notions, or you have drawn some inconclusive conclusions, or perhaps you really don’t care enough….. Now let’s take a look at what others had to say.

@brendaquispe stated, “I’ve taken that risk and sometimes it backfires, but oh well, we move on and learn from it”. @dela219 stated, “Don’t waste your time, if people have walls, barriers, baggage, issues, etc that’s their business, not yours. There will be someone else ready and open for you, whether it be a friendship, a relationship, partnership, etc. But don’t waste your time trying to figure them out. Figure yourself out and get it going!” @mypiebrookies stated, “Some people don’t grow up enough to be able to express themselves in an adult manner. Those same people are the ones running around either telling everyone I love you and not meaning it or playing games trying to be with x, y, & z. I say if you aren’t grown enough to communicate how you feel (like, love, or anything else) then you shouldn’t be in a grown up relationship.” I’ll reference one other comment. @devilishangel83 stated, “I totally relate to this, I’ve been called an ass for speaking the truth or just giving advice that was asked for, but certain people didn’t want to hear it, cause they’re not hearing what they want to hear or the yes person who agrees to everything they say. I feel I have to bite my tongue a lot in front of people, and I think being fake is much worse then being labeled as blunt or an ass, in my opinion, I’m at the age where I want people to be honest with me and I’ll be honest with them, spent too much time not being myself and being silent, now that I know who I am, I don’t have time to be fake”. Wow, good feedback, no? Lol, that @devilishangel83 went off for a minute, huh? Lol

I think it would be helpful for us to learn and/or relearn healthier communication skills and techniques. We could benefit from being more assertive and respectful, and considerate of feelings, both of your own and those of the other party. As I write this, I’m thinking about a recent conversation I had with someone I used to know, where it was as if we just put on this fake performance that ended with, aaaannndddd cut! end scene, exit stage left. All that was created after our encounter was unnecessary anxiety and confusion. Personally, I find miscommunication annoying as it continuously permeates our social world, though it’s totally a preventable ailment. I think life would be easier if people just say what they mean, and do what they say, and expect others to do the same. Right?

How about we talk about it? 😉

Thanks for reading, feel free to comment and share your thoughts!

I wrote this the other day,  but wanted to ping it on this daily post.

The Silver Lining

I woke up this morning extremely angry. Without getting into too much detail, a close friend acted in such a way that had left me feeling unappreciated and disvalued. Those two emotions were intense for me. What I was actually feeling was HURT by it, but it was displayed as ANGER. #TeamAries, SMH; them damn Aries.

Anyway, as one could imagine, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and chose to start my day, another day the Good Lord has allowed me to see, terribly wrong. It’s amazing how we allow others to occupy our mental spaces. I chose to fill my mental space with negativity; I internalized my friend’s actions and viewed myself negatively.

I started doubting myself and told myself that I did something wrong. I told myself I was getting what I deserved, because, I mean, why else would my friend treat me that way? Then I started questioning whether or not I brought value to anyone’s life. Sounds dramatic, right? But, keep in mind that I’m just sharing my thoughts. Those were just thoughts that I’m not afraid to admit having; we all have thoughts.

Before you judge and start formulating your feedback, remember that in spite of my profession as a behavioral health therapist, I am only human, far from perfect, and totally not above experiencing emotional pain. I checked my BS quickly, however, turned it around, and went on about my day. I had to snap out of it I guess. So, the morning progressed, I put my jams on; I was good. WOOSAH!

Now, getting to the point of this blog post…I received an email from a former client I worked with about two years ago. In all honesty, I barely remembered her as I see a lot of people where I work. But, she definitely remembered me and wanted to share her wonderful story with me. Please allow me to paraphrase some of what she wrote.

She pleasantly and casually addressed the letter to me and indicated she wanted to thank me. My eyes filled with tears as I read on. She goes on to say that though she was mandated to attend the program I work for, the group therapy sessions she attended with me helped her to change her outlook on life. She mentioned that while participating in the program she was in a long term and long distant relationship with a guy who was living outside of the country, who she was planning to marry. Also at that time she was working as a room attendant at a large hotel chain just to pay for her therapy and court fines, all while attending classes at the community college.

The good news she wanted to share is that she’s currently a junior at a four year university, got a promotion at her current job to an assistant manager, and is now married to a man she met online! She described her husband as “right” for her and she’s happy. At the end of her letter she reflected on an exercise I provided to the group in which I asked them to complete a Vision Board (from the Oprah website). I provided all of the materials. The last paragraph of her letter is as follows: “I did an exercise in your class which I think was called a vision board. I cut out pictures of the magazines, and wrote on the back of the pictures what I wanted, and provided details as to how long I wanted to accomplish these goals, and what I wanted for myself. This made me re-evaluate what I wanted in a true relationship for my life, as well as career, and spiritual life. These cut outs were placed on my door to my room, and Although a portion of them have been completed, I am now working on a vision board with my husband, and I wanted to share this brief story with you. I am thankful for the way in which you provided the experience.”

WOW! I was incredibly touched and happy for her successes. I thought to myself that her letter couldn’t have come at a better time. It reinforced that I do have value to others and though it’s not always revealed to me, people do appreciate me. It’s obviously a bit self-defeating to put myself down and discredit my worth, but hey, it happens sometimes. Her letter really helped to lift my spirits. Looks like things went full circle, huh? Today I was reminded of how grateful I am for the career I’ve chosen, and honestly how proud I am of myself and my accomplishments. As the saying goes, we are our own worst critic.

May we all continue to be blessed! Note: this post was written on 10/14/14, but posted today. As always, thank you for reading.

Sometimes when it rains, it pours, but when it clears, you really appreciate the sweet sunshine. 🙂

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Foto found online……..

I Have The Best Boyfriend Ever

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Hear ye, Hear ye ladies and gentlemen, please stand corrected for it is I who has the best boyfriend ever. Nope, he sure does not do nearly anything I want him to do and he could not be described as romantic. LOL! But, with that said, he’s the man. Smart. Hardworking. Confident. Independent. Oh yea, and let’s not forget that he’s such a cutie! (Cheesy woman language) When we argue, not only does he admit his faults, but he’ll respectfully call me out.  He’s proven to have my best interest at heart; he’s proven to be a great friend. And can u believe that the fool will tell me, “No”?

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Pfffffff……….,yet he strives to bring me smiles.  🙂 He isn’t controlling and won’t be controlled. We are both #TeamAries, so you know we won’t have anyone telling us what or what not to do.

Anyway, overall, he positively contributes to my life and our relationship is far from BASIC. He’s an interesting dude with some freakin’ substance…STEP ASIDE oh shallow, single-minded ones!!! It’s been a pretty good time. Regardless of the future, I’ve gained a great deal from this experience, learned a lot, and grew as a person. For that I am thankful and consider these moments a blessing. Hands down, I have the best boyfriend ever!

Ask yourself when was the last time you gave your sweetie a shout out or showed them some appreciation? Have a good day Love Birds!

#BestBoyfriendEver 
#HatersGonHate 
#YouMadBro  #GivingRespectWhereRespectIsDue 
#AllSmiles 
#ShowingLove

Not a JLo fan, but this song is fitting. I’m sure someone out there likes it.

Thanks for stopping by….. 😉

DP:FreeWrite

Moments In Love

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Your relationship has you stuck? Try asking yourself three questions:

#1 – What do I want?

#2 – What do I need?

#3 – What will I settle for?

Feel free to write out your answers and reflect upon them.  This may help you to increase your insights.

Good Luck! And enjoy this jam, it’s one of favs…..

At A Loss For Words….

I look into your eyes prepared to utter my truths, but the tight lump in my throat obstructs the words.  

I take a deep breath while my thoughts fumble and jumble and eventually convince me to refrain.  

But, wait, I’m determined to express how I feel!!!  Oh, who am I kidding?  My cognitions are so commanding.  

They manage to silence my feelings by way of intimidation.  Somehow, all that I wanted to say sounds like, “Yea, I’m ok”, followed by a faux smile.    

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