R.I.P.

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I have mentally and emotionally prepared myself to bid farewell to the bruised little girl who still lives deep inside of me. The little girl who is trapped between the ages of birth to five years of old; The little girl who is uncertain about the consistency of her caregiving, essentially, the consistency of her world; The little girl who unfortunately taught herself to feel comfortable all alone; The little girl who believes that she is unworthy of love; The little girl that carries the shame and guilt of her family; The little girl who has seen too much too fast; The little girl who dissociates when experiencing pain/trauma; The little girl who doesn’t fully understand why they did what they did and why they left her; The little girl with fear and sadness in her heart, yet bravery in her soul, which can be seen through her gentle, little eyes.

Hey there little pretty girl that God has made. You have blossomed into a wonderful, joy of a woman. It’s ok; you’re safe and have been safe for quite some time. Look my little ninja, we made it! There’s that beautiful smile little girl! Come over to me and give me a warm hug. Dry your eyes and look at me. Let’s not live in and/or relive the past, because I want to fully live here in the present. I want to be right here in the present where not only am I safe, but there’s consistency; Life is simple and enjoyable; I don’t carry the family’s shame and guilt, or even my own, Dammit!; I am not being traumatized; I am by no means alone and have people around me I can trust; I am worthy of love and receive love; My strength and courage to face my world is intact and even admired by others…..

Little girl, I have nothing but respect for you because you did what you could to the fullest extent of your ability for us, but your job is absolutely done. I hope you can trust that I can and will take it from here. It’s time for us to deliver our valedictions. So long little girl… May you REST IN PEACE.

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I Have The Best Boyfriend Ever

I Have The Best Boyfriend Ever. (Click the link to see the original post)

Since the start of my blog in March 2014, this post written in October 2014 is the most viewed post by viewers from all over the world. I am flattered, but also find it so interesting.  Thank you to everyone!

I N S A N I T Y

Ever do something repeatedly knowing that the consequence of your choice is going to impact you negatively? You set yourself up for failure and disappointment every time, but you do it because you force yourself to see a glimmer of hope; that miniscule piece of hope that whispers in your ear, “Grab on to my pantaloons! I bet this is the time that it will be different.” You know what I’m talking about….

Whether it be kissing your boss’ ass in hopes of getting a raise that you will never get; all you are left with is reduced self-respect and a mouf full of ass. (Tragic)

Whether it may be with a “best friend” you are always there for who in turn doesn’t have your back; all you are left with is a one-sided relationship that makes you feel like a cheaper hooker with a nappy wig and torn fishnets. (Foul)

Whether it’s you never losing weight though you are constantly on a diet. They said you can have a cheat day….”a” as in one!; all you are left with are nice curves, if you are lucky, and a beer gut. (Not cute)

Whether it’s with a romantic interest that you display your love and affection to knowing he/she isn’t capable of being the man/woman you want and need; all you are left with are feelings of rejection and heartache. (Tinder vs. POF)

Whether it be you drinking like a fish knowing you are a two drink minimum; all you are left with is the hangover of all time, again. (Get yo life)

I can continue, but I think you get the point, lol, though I’m being a little silly here. They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results…… Hmmmm…… Something to think about, huh? What will it take to break yourself from this pattern?

Writing this random post made me think of this song. Hope you enjoyed it. I Love Zedd; he’s fun! This jam is one of my favs.

FLASHBACK

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OMG!
There it is.
It’s happening again.
It’s uncontrollable.
It’s taking over and holding my cognitions hostage.
My heart rate is increasing as the excitement pulses through my tiny blue veins.
My blood pressure is elevated and not due to genetics and/or too much salt.
Wait!
What’s this?
I’m over here smiling to myself.
Can you picture my incredibly huge, radiating smile?
Now I’m closing my sultry brown eyes, inhaling through my nose and exhaling through my mouth as I bask in your sweet memory.
I can almost smell your manly scent.
My goodness, I can almost still… (eh hem; clears throat) feel… you……
Mmmm, that flashback.

#HappyHumpDay 

Aren’t We Fortunate?

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Enjoying the simple things today, like my apple and cinnamon infused water I was sipping on all day at work. It was delicious to drink and even though I typically drink a gallon of water a day this provided the extra motivation to get through the last few ounces. While drinking it throughout the day, I thought about those people out there who can’t even enjoy a regular cup of clean water, let alone an apple to eat. I immediately felt blessed. We often times go about our days taking so many things for granted without realizing how fortunate we truly are. Just thought I’d share my thoughts….

😉 #stayblessed homies! #happymonday!

Bah

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(Found this foto online………………)

I swear Love is like the juice of a lemon squeezed on a fresh flesh wound.

Ever feel like you hate everybody? Lol.

The Disconnect

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“I love you”.
Three powerful words that are often times placed on a pedestal.
Three magical words that can potentially come with a high price.
Three little words with a rather big meaning.
Three special words that, frankly, are overrated.

As I mature those most sought after and most misused words are starting to depreciate in value. I’ve been subjected to to those words numerous times by a variety of people of differing relationship levels, but only a small fraction of people truly meant its “true” meaning, I suppose??? I mean, what is love really? Hmm, don’t ask my emotionless heart, disengaged from love.

#coldasice #emotionless #whatisloveanyway #iloveyou #iloveyounot #disconnected

Random thoughts communicated here, can anyone else relate? Have you ever felt emotionally disconnected from others?

DP:TurnedUpNoses

I Have The Best Boyfriend Ever

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Hear ye, Hear ye ladies and gentlemen, please stand corrected for it is I who has the best boyfriend ever. Nope, he sure does not do nearly anything I want him to do and he could not be described as romantic. LOL! But, with that said, he’s the man. Smart. Hardworking. Confident. Independent. Oh yea, and let’s not forget that he’s such a cutie! (Cheesy woman language) When we argue, not only does he admit his faults, but he’ll respectfully call me out.  He’s proven to have my best interest at heart; he’s proven to be a great friend. And can u believe that the fool will tell me, “No”?

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Pfffffff……….,yet he strives to bring me smiles.  🙂 He isn’t controlling and won’t be controlled. We are both #TeamAries, so you know we won’t have anyone telling us what or what not to do.

Anyway, overall, he positively contributes to my life and our relationship is far from BASIC. He’s an interesting dude with some freakin’ substance…STEP ASIDE oh shallow, single-minded ones!!! It’s been a pretty good time. Regardless of the future, I’ve gained a great deal from this experience, learned a lot, and grew as a person. For that I am thankful and consider these moments a blessing. Hands down, I have the best boyfriend ever!

Ask yourself when was the last time you gave your sweetie a shout out or showed them some appreciation? Have a good day Love Birds!

#BestBoyfriendEver 
#HatersGonHate 
#YouMadBro  #GivingRespectWhereRespectIsDue 
#AllSmiles 
#ShowingLove

Not a JLo fan, but this song is fitting. I’m sure someone out there likes it.

Thanks for stopping by….. 😉

DP:FreeWrite

Moments In Love

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Your relationship has you stuck? Try asking yourself three questions:

#1 – What do I want?

#2 – What do I need?

#3 – What will I settle for?

Feel free to write out your answers and reflect upon them.  This may help you to increase your insights.

Good Luck! And enjoy this jam, it’s one of favs…..

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