Radical Acceptance

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My #1 favorite saying is, “It is what it is.” I guarantee that adapting that way of thinking into your life is a game changer. Go ahead, I double dare you. Welp, that is all. Good luck!

#happyfriday Live Free!

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R.I.P.

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I have mentally and emotionally prepared myself to bid farewell to the bruised little girl who still lives deep inside of me. The little girl who is trapped between the ages of birth to five years of old; The little girl who is uncertain about the consistency of her caregiving, essentially, the consistency of her world; The little girl who unfortunately taught herself to feel comfortable all alone; The little girl who believes that she is unworthy of love; The little girl that carries the shame and guilt of her family; The little girl who has seen too much too fast; The little girl who dissociates when experiencing pain/trauma; The little girl who doesn’t fully understand why they did what they did and why they left her; The little girl with fear and sadness in her heart, yet bravery in her soul, which can be seen through her gentle, little eyes.

Hey there little pretty girl that God has made. You have blossomed into a wonderful, joy of a woman. It’s ok; you’re safe and have been safe for quite some time. Look my little ninja, we made it! There’s that beautiful smile little girl! Come over to me and give me a warm hug. Dry your eyes and look at me. Let’s not live in and/or relive the past, because I want to fully live here in the present. I want to be right here in the present where not only am I safe, but there’s consistency; Life is simple and enjoyable; I don’t carry the family’s shame and guilt, or even my own, Dammit!; I am not being traumatized; I am by no means alone and have people around me I can trust; I am worthy of love and receive love; My strength and courage to face my world is intact and even admired by others…..

Little girl, I have nothing but respect for you because you did what you could to the fullest extent of your ability for us, but your job is absolutely done. I hope you can trust that I can and will take it from here. It’s time for us to deliver our valedictions. So long little girl… May you REST IN PEACE.

True Colors

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Though most colors are beautiful, everyone’s true colors aren’t… If u are giving, ya bet your sweet ass people are taking! But let’s be real, that doesn’t mean that they value you… Make sure you stay clear on that.

Thanks for stopping by and joining me as I learn thru experience; let’s learn these life lessons together.

#happyhumpday

Time Well Spent

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I ran across this on FB and it left me pondering. I have an idea of how I think things should be, but what I actually have doesn’t quite meet that expectation. We all know that things not meeting your expectations typically equals disappointment. However, in this case it isn’t a bad thing at all. After seeing my significant other in his environment and around his friends, while he was in the zone, I was provided with a new perspective and understanding about who he is. One’s friends can provide a lot of insight about a person. No one is perfect, and we may not vibe well in a few areas, but he is truly something and I’m delighted that our paths had the opportunity to cross. Though things with us are a bit unconventional, and sometime seem more complicated than I feel is necessary, we both have clearly invested time and the experience is priceless. Invested time is a big deal because time ain’t cheap! Word to the wise, if you feel like you are wasting time, then simply stop. Guess we’ll rock until one of us decides to stop.

**Raises Glass** Until then……

Zero F*cks Given

Often, our blogs have taglines. But, what if humans did too? What would your taglines be? 

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I’m actually so random and unpredictable that several different taglines could be used to represent me, but at the time of seeing this writing prompt, “Zero Fucks Given” is what comes to mind. I’m counting down to the wonderful age of 30; 14 more days; OMG exactly 2 weeks from today, eeeeeek! And do you know what’s funny? I actually feel different. Though it’s been a gradual uphill struggle getting up to this point, I feel like only within the past 3 – 6 months have I realized the many significant changes within my mind, body, and spirit. Some people may share my sentiments and some people may scoff and think that my age ain’t nothing but a number. Shrugs, I dunno, I’m just going by how I am currently thinking and feeling. 

These days I am less anxious, more calm, and easygoing. I have more understanding and acceptance, especially of the people, places, things, and events that I cannot change. I love myself more and appreciate my true beauty. I feel more confident and have the motivation and courage to do what I want. My people-pleasing days seem to be coming to a close. Regardless of the fake ass, hardcore bullshiggity people spit from their mouths about not caring about what other people think about them, we all want to be liked/loved, valued, and appreciated. Me included! But, as I’ve mentioned in a previous post, this is less important to me than it was in my previous years. I figure that as long as I like me, God has my back, and I’m ok with my thoughts, feelings, and actions, then I’m good to go! 

I want to share something with you… Given my unconventional upbringing in a substance abusing household, I have developed what those in the mental health profession refer to as  dun, dun, duuuuuunnnnn, “codependency issues”. According to merriam-webster.com. codependency is a psychological condition in which someone is in an unhealthy relationship that involves living with and providing care for another person (such as a drug addict or an alcoholic); as a psychological condition or relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition; dependence on the needs of or control by another. According to Codependency for Dummies, symptoms are as follows:

Low self-esteem

Not liking or accepting yourself

Feeling you’re inadequate in some way

Thinking you’re not quite enough

Worrying you are or could be a failure

Concerned with what other people think about you

Perfectionism

Pleasing others and giving up yourself

Poor boundaries

Boundaries that are too weak and there’s not enough separateness between you and your partner

Boundaries that are too rigid and keep you from being close

Boundaries that flip back and forth between too close and too rigid

Reactivity

Dysfunctional Communication

Difficulty expressing thoughts and feelings

Difficulty setting boundaries — saying “No” or stopping abuse

Abusive language

Lack of assertiveness about your needs

Dependency

Afraid of being alone or out of a relationship

Feeling trapped in a bad relationship and unable to leave

Relying too much on others opinions

Intimacy problems

Avoidance of closeness

Losing yourself

Trying to control or manipulate others

Feeling trapped in a dysfunctional relationship

Denial

Denial of codependency

Denial about a painful reality in your relationship

Denial of your feelings

Denial of your needs

Caretaking

Control

Controlling your own feelings

Managing and controlling people in your life; telling them what to do

Manipulating others to feel or behave like you want (people pleasing is a manipulation)

Obsessions

Addiction to a substance or process

Painful emotions

Shame

Anxiety

Fear

Guilt

Hopelessness

Despair

Depression

Um, well damn! As a mental health therapist with a specialization in working with individuals with co-occurring disorders (i.e. someone with both a substance use disorder and at least one other mental health disorder such as bipolar disorder), I am fully aware of those who present with codependent behaviors. I’m actually well-versed in the subject matter, but for years I felt as if I was above those issues due to my studies and career in the field… How foolish! It wasn’t until there was a major crisis within my immediate family 1.5yrs ago, the heart breaking end of my last relationship 6 months ago, and my participation in brief outpatient therapy which ended about 3 months ago, before I realized that a lot of my stress and depression was directly related to my freaking codependency issues!!! Cue the cartoon light bulb above my big ass head!

Therapy brought me back to life. It helped me to get centered and put my life into perspective. It helped me face my denials and hold myself and others accountable. It helped me deal with my extreme feelings of guilt and shame. It helped me gain the strength to say “NO!” and feel ok about it. It helped me to loosen my death grip on everything and everyone because, can you believe this?, I actually don’t have all the control in the world. It helped me to recognize where I was being taken advantage of. It helped me to simply let go and forgive myself and others.

I still care about other people and some things, but not at my expense. I do what I want and drop whatever gets in my way. I thank God that I have peace today… #ZeroFucksGiven

Thanks for stopping by, feel free to comment.

DP:Tagline

How Much Can The Heart Hold?

“Nobody has ever measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold.”

—Zelda Fitzgerald (1900-1948), Writer

I ran across this quote this morning and it provoked a few different thoughts and emotions. I think it is a beautiful quote. Right after reading it, I smiled.  I like to think of myself as an individual with a big heart. I tend to always come from a loving place. Some people say that when you love somebody, you love them. But, with all of that said, I’ve had the opportunity to fall in and out of love. Sometimes things look and feel different once the smoke clears. It’s amazing how things, including love, change over time……

Hope you enjoyed reading! Stay up lovebirds!

Turning Corners

“At one point or another, your life will change. You will turn corners and come upon new blessings and challenges in your lifetime. This can be a positive experience, because it means that God is ready to change you and bring you into a new season of blessing. God never made you with the intention of staying the same. Instead, He made you so that you would change and grow and move forward. God is not in the business of becoming stagnant and never changing. God has promised you that He will never leave you or be too far away. Even though you may turn a corner without knowing what is on the other side, God knows. He will not allow you to trip or stumble when you’re following Him completely. So go ahead and turn those corners in confidence with God at your side!”

I read this in an email from TODAY’S WORD from Joel and Victoria that my aunt and/or mother tends to send to me daily during the work week. It is a good message that I am open to hearing. I’ll take all of the encouragement I can get! I find comfort in trusting in the Lord, as individuals in my life have proven to function selfishly and inconsiderate of me at times. This is life and I accept it; for me it ain’t a thing, because God is always there!

Happy Wednesday from #UnitedIndependence!

Inner Critic

What does your inner critic say to you and how does it affect your ability to take risks? If you had to name your inner critic, what you name it?

The above prompt was shared to me by one of my best friends and sorority sister, @LambdaLady2 (Twitter).  She stated that one of her coworkers posted these questions on her gchat and I take it my sister here was pondering this morning.  So she sent it my way and suggested I consider preparing a response and blogging about it.  Well, alright, why not? 😉

The above questions are rather deep and if you’ve followed my blog you would notice that I tend to be quite introspective and engage in self-reflection and self-evaluation on the regular.  My response to this will not be a lengthy one; I have hit what my inner critic sometimes hollers at me in previous blogs, so I’ll provide a general overview.

That pesky inner critic that sometimes declares war on my psyche can be downright brutal. Not only is it quick to highlight my short-comings and limitations, it doesn’t hold back in detailing what I could have done either better or differently in every situation I encounter. Sometimes it talks to me in a negative tone, even making the strong claims that I will not make it or I’m not good enough or even that I’m undeserving.  It even takes jabs at my family tree, comparing and contrasting me with both the past and present, emphasizing our downfalls as a family unit (Ouch).

As I write this, several different life incidences are playing back in my mind where my inner critic has absolutely affected my ability to take risks, but I’m smiling here because I have used my dear inner critic as jet fuel to get me where I am today.  Looking back, I believe my inner critic hindered me more significantly as a younger person.  I believe I really started growing up in the past year or two and have more confidence when I respond to it. I can look my inner critic in the face today, ya know?  Yea, no more shying away; I’m a big girl now.  LOL. Yea, today, I believe in myself and even when I get thrown off my path or I start toying around with my inner critic’s little homie, self-doubt, I’m able to put things back into perspective and keep my eyes on the prize.  I do tend to get what I want, eventually.

Hmm, what would I name my inner critic you ask? Right now, the name Charlie is coming to mind.  Sike, nah. LOL. I would call it “Motivation”, yea, that is fitting!

As always, thank you for stopping by.  Feel free to comment. Great Prompt!  Thanks @LambdaLady2 for sending!   

I’m Focused Man!

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My generation seems to be telling people “No, F*ck You!” with the quickness!  LOL, and you know what, I’m not upset and/or threatened by it, because I seem to have adopted that entire mentality myself.  Now keep in mind whenever I write, it’s for fun and entertainment. Don’t get butt-hurt or offended by anything on my blog, but know that if you do, that’s totally a personal problem. 😉

Now the foto attached to this post is what inspired me today.  But, anyway, you know everyone is on that “New Year, New Me” bullcrap, but the “new me” I personally have going on right now didn’t come with the impending New Year; it’s been an ongoing work in progress.  I grow and learn every day, trust and believe it!  I am also always engaging in self-reflection (I can blame my studies in psychology and my profession as a Mental Health Professional for that) and have reflected over the past year, of course.  I realized that I was tried and tested a lot!  Now, overall this year has been a great transition for me; I can recall lots of precious moments that I feel blessed to have experienced.

However, at the same time, I definitely faced a few big challenges, dealt with a significant amount of loss and even had my heart broken (aww, boo hoo). With all of that said, I’m still here to tell the muthaflippin story though, AND I stand here better than before.  (insert #hairflip here – lol) Frankly, that’s all that matters, right?  Like, I have friends who are no longer here with us (just went to a long-time friend’s funeral about a week and a half ago), so really, what do I have to complain about? In the grand scheme of things my loves, NADA.  I totally have a handle on what and who I want, and you know what? I’m going to continue on my path; I know what I’m doing… Even though I had a few folks try to tell me otherwise.  My response to that was “Fack Outta Here!”

Take this post as encouragement for those of us out there working hard to be better than ever.  I wish us all well!  We can do it!  Don’t allow those Negatrons, you know the ones lurking in the shadows, into your beautiful world.  Build your strength, fight, and send them as far into outer space as you can!  Just be careful because they come in disguise, and can be quite deceptive #decepticons. 😉 I truly crack myself up!

PSA: Haters, stay out of my way as there is, without question, no space for you here.  I’m focused man!

#HappyMonday Readers! Note: the jam is explicit, but hey, I’m an adult. Enjoy!

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