Feeling Inspired

“Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” – Muriel Strode (Author).

Sunday evening after I had successfully submitted paper three for my online course (I am so close to becoming a LPC), a dear friend of mine texted me, inviting me out for hookah! I figured that it was a better move than spending the rest of the evening at home, alone, on a holiday weekend and after experiencing a great loss (We’ll get into that another time). So, off I went. As I got ready and headed out, I thought about how long it has been since I have been out with friends, or have had much fun, or even got my blog on. As the summer comes to a close, I realized that I have been rather swamped these days adulting and what not. I have been managing three jobs as a mental health professional (one full time and two part times), family issues, and my own personal life stressors. As I pulled up to the Lebanese Restaurant (In my Homer Simpson Voice, “Mmmmm, Lebanese Restaurant”), I let those thoughts subside and decided to be in the moment with my homie.

I was a fabulous night with clear skies and crisp air with low humidity (My hair and sweat glands were thankful). We caught up on our lives and laughed at jokes while toking on our gum mint and grape filled shisha and sipping on mint tea. The menu looked scrumptious, loaded with some of my favs, but I was unable to indulge due to my Whole30 diet plan (3 weeks in!!!). Dude! I wanted a craft beer or a glass of Malbec so bad, but I abstained. Don’t worry; I had a Larabar in my bag in case ish got real (Which it did towards the end of the night, LOL!).

Anyway, after a while, two older men at the table next to us started up a conversation with us. They introduced themselves and the conversation lead to their travel adventures. A great deal of their travel was work related as they are in the business of satellite communications and some was for leisure over the years. My homie fit right into the conversation since he was born overseas and has lived in/traveled to many different countries. I have been to a few places (mainly around the U.S. and the Caribbean), but I did not have much to offer for travel experiences. With that said, I thoroughly enjoyed listening to them rattle off all the places they’ve been. Thailand, Dubai, Australia, London, Various parts of the Caribbean, Korea, Japan, Brazil, Argentina, just to name a few. The conversation was delightful; I was so entertained and inspired. I got that travel/new experiences itch bad. The last time that I traveled was about a year ago. I am close to accomplishing a huge career goal and once that is done, I’m ready to live a little more!

Coming across the quote at the start of this post contributed to my reflection on the above. The quote, alone, was motivating. I receive daily quotes to my work email from Values.Com and I love them. The challenge paired with this quote is to “Take a spontaneous trip, and explore a new place; even if it’s in your own town.” Ay Yi Captain! I have discussed this many times with my significant other within the past two and a half years. Though we have adult life focuses, we still need to have fun and experience life in a bit of a spontaneous way. Ya know, to keep things interesting!

I had to step away for a bit so that I can get my life, but I’ll be back! It is funny how a simple impromptu outing can leave you pondering life. Consider the quote and its challenge for yourselves.  Get out there and do your thing!

#UnitedIndependence = Accomplishing our individual goals together!

Advertisements

HAPPY NEW YEAR

image

Have you ever felt so unquestionably sure and so assuredly unsure of yourself at the same time?

You know, that instance when you both know exactly what you want and have no f***ing clue as to what your beating heart desires?

As an adult person, this is a frightening position to be in. I know, because I have been there. Yikes! But, how could you not, when there are all of these perceived pressures to do and experience things, and to gain things by a certain time/age in one’s life?

Speaking for myself, the anxieties run incredibly high when I feel like I have not met the developmental milestones deemed most appropriate by the ass-backwards society I live in.

As the year comes to a close, it’s our tendency to reflect upon what has come to past and to project out positive goals that we wish to accomplish in the New Year. Thus, I cannot help but to engage in this annual ritualistic self-assessment/self-reflection with the other basics. Did I do everything everyone projected on and expected of me? Did I follow along the basic rules of my time? Did I, blasé blasé blasé? Oh goodness I had to make it stop!

2015, for me, was honestly like any other year in the life. I simply continued to live and learn. And though not record breaking, I have managed to make some gains here and there. I am proud of myself, so on my scoreboard, that’s winning.

I no longer make promises about what I’m going to do or not do in the New Year or at any moment. The only thing that I plan to do in the New Year and for the rest of my life is to live however the f*** I want to live. #YouLikeThat

With that said, have a Happy New Year! Be well and stay blessed. I look forward to reconnecting with you in 2016! **Muahz**
#Unitedindependence

Fruits of Your Labor

image

“You have to learn how to slow down and enjoy the fruits, man”, says my BF in one of the long, random conversations we had over this past weekend. I recall getting into one of my rants of how I’m overwhelmed and tired from doing so much, yet, in the same breath, I talked about how I wanted to add more to my heavily piled plate! He took the time to highlight what I sounded like and he couldn’t have been more right. Oh my goodness! I do need to chill!

It’s funny that we are much alike in that we are very ambitious, determined, and driven… Oh and FOCUSED MaaaaAAAANNN! Some may also group us into the Stubborn and Hard-headed category, but that’s a conversation for a different day. Anyway, being so ambitious, determined, and driven can also mean that we do not know how to sit back, relax, and enjoy the fruits of our labor. I believe we both call each other out on this.

Speaking for myself, I guess I have operated like a well-oiled machine for so long that I don’t know what to do with myself when I’m not working on something or thinking about working on something. They say that you gotta work hard to play hard, but over the last several years I have found myself working extremely hard, accomplishing goals left and right, but not taking the time to match my play.

Now this isn’t to say that I never cut loose and enjoy myself from time to time. I’ve made some good memories, but I’m currently feeling extreme burnout. I’m all out of juice like a broke down hoopty on I-95. I’m getting to the point where I feel like something has to give. The funny thing is, I actually have some control here and I simply need to make a plan towards a solution for my problem and see it through. Is it weird that I feel guilty for resting and taking a time out for myself? Can any of you relate to this feeling? I know it’s because of some bogus fear/unrealistic expectation I place upon myself and I just need to push that load of crap aside and live.

I’m looking forward to it! Life is no joke short; I don’t want to waste anymore of whatever time I have left here on bullsh*t. Our conversation really got me hyped for doing more for me. Though I’m a Beachbody Coach, we talked about me joining a gym to have access to weights, etc. So, I went and toured a few. LA Fitness and Sport & Health were nice! Um, Planet Fitness didn’t do it for me. Lol. Then he suggested that I create my own workout space in my home, just for me. Hmmmm, that sounded good because I don’t have too much time, but for some reason I didn’t think I could do it. “I’m just going to join a gym”, I thought to myself, but then he encouraged it more and that idea became more appealing.

I became excited to have this private little space in my home for me and started putting it into action!

image

I moved stuff around (like that monstrous treadmill), purchased a weight bench (and put that joker together) and bam! Check it out. Lol! It’s not fancy, but it’s cute, mine, and functional. I just need to get a heavier set of weights, a barbell, and the Body Beast fitness program from Beachbody. Ooooooo, I can’t wait! Really, it is the little things. Putting that room together has lifted my spirits and I have been excited all week working out in there (beats working out in my bedroom)!

If you are feeling the burnout like I am, I encourage you, me, us, to chillax a bit in efforts to recognize how much our hard work has paid off.

Here’s to enjoying the fruits!

Radical Acceptance

image

My #1 favorite saying is, “It is what it is.” I guarantee that adapting that way of thinking into your life is a game changer. Go ahead, I double dare you. Welp, that is all. Good luck!

#happyfriday Live Free!

R.I.P.

image

I have mentally and emotionally prepared myself to bid farewell to the bruised little girl who still lives deep inside of me. The little girl who is trapped between the ages of birth to five years of old; The little girl who is uncertain about the consistency of her caregiving, essentially, the consistency of her world; The little girl who unfortunately taught herself to feel comfortable all alone; The little girl who believes that she is unworthy of love; The little girl that carries the shame and guilt of her family; The little girl who has seen too much too fast; The little girl who dissociates when experiencing pain/trauma; The little girl who doesn’t fully understand why they did what they did and why they left her; The little girl with fear and sadness in her heart, yet bravery in her soul, which can be seen through her gentle, little eyes.

Hey there little pretty girl that God has made. You have blossomed into a wonderful, joy of a woman. It’s ok; you’re safe and have been safe for quite some time. Look my little ninja, we made it! There’s that beautiful smile little girl! Come over to me and give me a warm hug. Dry your eyes and look at me. Let’s not live in and/or relive the past, because I want to fully live here in the present. I want to be right here in the present where not only am I safe, but there’s consistency; Life is simple and enjoyable; I don’t carry the family’s shame and guilt, or even my own, Dammit!; I am not being traumatized; I am by no means alone and have people around me I can trust; I am worthy of love and receive love; My strength and courage to face my world is intact and even admired by others…..

Little girl, I have nothing but respect for you because you did what you could to the fullest extent of your ability for us, but your job is absolutely done. I hope you can trust that I can and will take it from here. It’s time for us to deliver our valedictions. So long little girl… May you REST IN PEACE.

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑