HAPPY NEW YEAR

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Have you ever felt so unquestionably sure and so assuredly unsure of yourself at the same time?

You know, that instance when you both know exactly what you want and have no f***ing clue as to what your beating heart desires?

As an adult person, this is a frightening position to be in. I know, because I have been there. Yikes! But, how could you not, when there are all of these perceived pressures to do and experience things, and to gain things by a certain time/age in one’s life?

Speaking for myself, the anxieties run incredibly high when I feel like I have not met the developmental milestones deemed most appropriate by the ass-backwards society I live in.

As the year comes to a close, it’s our tendency to reflect upon what has come to past and to project out positive goals that we wish to accomplish in the New Year. Thus, I cannot help but to engage in this annual ritualistic self-assessment/self-reflection with the other basics. Did I do everything everyone projected on and expected of me? Did I follow along the basic rules of my time? Did I, blasé blasé blasé? Oh goodness I had to make it stop!

2015, for me, was honestly like any other year in the life. I simply continued to live and learn. And though not record breaking, I have managed to make some gains here and there. I am proud of myself, so on my scoreboard, that’s winning.

I no longer make promises about what I’m going to do or not do in the New Year or at any moment. The only thing that I plan to do in the New Year and for the rest of my life is to live however the f*** I want to live. #YouLikeThat

With that said, have a Happy New Year! Be well and stay blessed. I look forward to reconnecting with you in 2016! **Muahz**
#Unitedindependence

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Fruits of Your Labor

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“You have to learn how to slow down and enjoy the fruits, man”, says my BF in one of the long, random conversations we had over this past weekend. I recall getting into one of my rants of how I’m overwhelmed and tired from doing so much, yet, in the same breath, I talked about how I wanted to add more to my heavily piled plate! He took the time to highlight what I sounded like and he couldn’t have been more right. Oh my goodness! I do need to chill!

It’s funny that we are much alike in that we are very ambitious, determined, and driven… Oh and FOCUSED MaaaaAAAANNN! Some may also group us into the Stubborn and Hard-headed category, but that’s a conversation for a different day. Anyway, being so ambitious, determined, and driven can also mean that we do not know how to sit back, relax, and enjoy the fruits of our labor. I believe we both call each other out on this.

Speaking for myself, I guess I have operated like a well-oiled machine for so long that I don’t know what to do with myself when I’m not working on something or thinking about working on something. They say that you gotta work hard to play hard, but over the last several years I have found myself working extremely hard, accomplishing goals left and right, but not taking the time to match my play.

Now this isn’t to say that I never cut loose and enjoy myself from time to time. I’ve made some good memories, but I’m currently feeling extreme burnout. I’m all out of juice like a broke down hoopty on I-95. I’m getting to the point where I feel like something has to give. The funny thing is, I actually have some control here and I simply need to make a plan towards a solution for my problem and see it through. Is it weird that I feel guilty for resting and taking a time out for myself? Can any of you relate to this feeling? I know it’s because of some bogus fear/unrealistic expectation I place upon myself and I just need to push that load of crap aside and live.

I’m looking forward to it! Life is no joke short; I don’t want to waste anymore of whatever time I have left here on bullsh*t. Our conversation really got me hyped for doing more for me. Though I’m a Beachbody Coach, we talked about me joining a gym to have access to weights, etc. So, I went and toured a few. LA Fitness and Sport & Health were nice! Um, Planet Fitness didn’t do it for me. Lol. Then he suggested that I create my own workout space in my home, just for me. Hmmmm, that sounded good because I don’t have too much time, but for some reason I didn’t think I could do it. “I’m just going to join a gym”, I thought to myself, but then he encouraged it more and that idea became more appealing.

I became excited to have this private little space in my home for me and started putting it into action!

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I moved stuff around (like that monstrous treadmill), purchased a weight bench (and put that joker together) and bam! Check it out. Lol! It’s not fancy, but it’s cute, mine, and functional. I just need to get a heavier set of weights, a barbell, and the Body Beast fitness program from Beachbody. Ooooooo, I can’t wait! Really, it is the little things. Putting that room together has lifted my spirits and I have been excited all week working out in there (beats working out in my bedroom)!

If you are feeling the burnout like I am, I encourage you, me, us, to chillax a bit in efforts to recognize how much our hard work has paid off.

Here’s to enjoying the fruits!

Radical Acceptance

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My #1 favorite saying is, “It is what it is.” I guarantee that adapting that way of thinking into your life is a game changer. Go ahead, I double dare you. Welp, that is all. Good luck!

#happyfriday Live Free!

R.I.P.

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I have mentally and emotionally prepared myself to bid farewell to the bruised little girl who still lives deep inside of me. The little girl who is trapped between the ages of birth to five years of old; The little girl who is uncertain about the consistency of her caregiving, essentially, the consistency of her world; The little girl who unfortunately taught herself to feel comfortable all alone; The little girl who believes that she is unworthy of love; The little girl that carries the shame and guilt of her family; The little girl who has seen too much too fast; The little girl who dissociates when experiencing pain/trauma; The little girl who doesn’t fully understand why they did what they did and why they left her; The little girl with fear and sadness in her heart, yet bravery in her soul, which can be seen through her gentle, little eyes.

Hey there little pretty girl that God has made. You have blossomed into a wonderful, joy of a woman. It’s ok; you’re safe and have been safe for quite some time. Look my little ninja, we made it! There’s that beautiful smile little girl! Come over to me and give me a warm hug. Dry your eyes and look at me. Let’s not live in and/or relive the past, because I want to fully live here in the present. I want to be right here in the present where not only am I safe, but there’s consistency; Life is simple and enjoyable; I don’t carry the family’s shame and guilt, or even my own, Dammit!; I am not being traumatized; I am by no means alone and have people around me I can trust; I am worthy of love and receive love; My strength and courage to face my world is intact and even admired by others…..

Little girl, I have nothing but respect for you because you did what you could to the fullest extent of your ability for us, but your job is absolutely done. I hope you can trust that I can and will take it from here. It’s time for us to deliver our valedictions. So long little girl… May you REST IN PEACE.

True Colors

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Though most colors are beautiful, everyone’s true colors aren’t… If u are giving, ya bet your sweet ass people are taking! But let’s be real, that doesn’t mean that they value you… Make sure you stay clear on that.

Thanks for stopping by and joining me as I learn thru experience; let’s learn these life lessons together.

#happyhumpday

Time Well Spent

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I ran across this on FB and it left me pondering. I have an idea of how I think things should be, but what I actually have doesn’t quite meet that expectation. We all know that things not meeting your expectations typically equals disappointment. However, in this case it isn’t a bad thing at all. After seeing my significant other in his environment and around his friends, while he was in the zone, I was provided with a new perspective and understanding about who he is. One’s friends can provide a lot of insight about a person. No one is perfect, and we may not vibe well in a few areas, but he is truly something and I’m delighted that our paths had the opportunity to cross. Though things with us are a bit unconventional, and sometime seem more complicated than I feel is necessary, we both have clearly invested time and the experience is priceless. Invested time is a big deal because time ain’t cheap! Word to the wise, if you feel like you are wasting time, then simply stop. Guess we’ll rock until one of us decides to stop.

**Raises Glass** Until then……

Frustration…

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Frustration is a general symptom of the “Things just aren’t going my way” Syndrome.  Likewise, it is a common symptom of the “Everyone around me  f***ing sucks and I keep hoping that they’ll stop f***ing sucking, but they never f***ing do” Syndrome.

I am typically optimistic and hopeful, but today the frustrations are running ever so high and I’m honestly baffled by the things that keep happening. I have been sitting back and watching out for people’s words to finally match their behavior(s) and after so many consecutive fails, my hopefulness decreases after each instance. Damn, is it going to get better? Sh*t! Or will my hopefulness decrease until there’s nothing left?

Ever feel like you wanna gouge your own eyeballs out and disconnect? Don’t tell me I’m the only one. :-\ I’m asking for the good Lord to give me strenf aka strength!

#happywednesday hope you enjoyed the read. Feel free to like and/or comment. LoL. This post was triggered by me running across the attached meme and actually having a really stressful day. But, know that I’m a boss, am grabbing the day by its balls, and making it do what it do. Don’t let anything/anyone bring you down my loves! *Muahz*

That instrumental doe….. “Frustration” lol.

I N S A N I T Y

Ever do something repeatedly knowing that the consequence of your choice is going to impact you negatively? You set yourself up for failure and disappointment every time, but you do it because you force yourself to see a glimmer of hope; that miniscule piece of hope that whispers in your ear, “Grab on to my pantaloons! I bet this is the time that it will be different.” You know what I’m talking about….

Whether it be kissing your boss’ ass in hopes of getting a raise that you will never get; all you are left with is reduced self-respect and a mouf full of ass. (Tragic)

Whether it may be with a “best friend” you are always there for who in turn doesn’t have your back; all you are left with is a one-sided relationship that makes you feel like a cheaper hooker with a nappy wig and torn fishnets. (Foul)

Whether it’s you never losing weight though you are constantly on a diet. They said you can have a cheat day….”a” as in one!; all you are left with are nice curves, if you are lucky, and a beer gut. (Not cute)

Whether it’s with a romantic interest that you display your love and affection to knowing he/she isn’t capable of being the man/woman you want and need; all you are left with are feelings of rejection and heartache. (Tinder vs. POF)

Whether it be you drinking like a fish knowing you are a two drink minimum; all you are left with is the hangover of all time, again. (Get yo life)

I can continue, but I think you get the point, lol, though I’m being a little silly here. They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results…… Hmmmm…… Something to think about, huh? What will it take to break yourself from this pattern?

Writing this random post made me think of this song. Hope you enjoyed it. I Love Zedd; he’s fun! This jam is one of my favs.

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